I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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