i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
