So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize