Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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