Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize