I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
