Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
