I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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