He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
