I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your penis caused this!
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