Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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