Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
