Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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