Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
