Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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