Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
