How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
