And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
True strength comes from lack of pants
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
