miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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