the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
