He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
bring money and cleavage
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize