dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
