Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
