She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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