Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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