dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
