i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
