Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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