I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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