I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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