I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
