3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
