Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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