I am spending my child support on dildos
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
