I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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