id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
