I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
