I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
