don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize