pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
