just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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