Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
