We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
