Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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