SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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