I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
please come you make the beer taste better
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
