when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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