also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I need moral support for this bender
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
