the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
