theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
