I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
