You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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