I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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