i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
