I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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