He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
