They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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