so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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