is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize