Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
