They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Enjoy the penises
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize