his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
