After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
