I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
