Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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