We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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