The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
