Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
