Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
