I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
