God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
