My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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