Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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