At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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