it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
