my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
