Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
