glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I want to have your abortion
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
