I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
