So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize