"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
