i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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