Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drake has all the answers
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize