My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
