it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
