Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
