I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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