Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
