I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Alive.
So much puke
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
