So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
