you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You pole danced in your parka.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize