I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
