I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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