Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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