Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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