I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
