if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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