In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
