sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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