Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think my fart just growled at me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
