Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
