I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
