Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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