he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
