Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
