Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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