I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
