Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Vodka?
Forever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
