i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
